


Wake & Watch

by ERNest



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Minor Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Tea, Temporary Character Death, Very Minor, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:12:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15994973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERNest/pseuds/ERNest
Summary: “Hey Magnus, do you always stay up like this, or is it a once in a while deal? Because as your resident cleric, I can’t allow you to burn the candle at both endsallthe time.”Three adventurers drink three cups of tea and make three toasts.





	Wake & Watch

The tea, of course, is oolong.

     Merle couldn’t get to sleep; that’s been happening more and more lately, maybe because he’s a dwarf who’s getting up there in years. Anyway, he went out to look at the stars and get back in tune with the song the universe is singing. It almost worked, but the stars have been blinking out and nah, he doesn’t want to be reminded of that, and even less of the hundreds of white eyes that stared out unblinking from out of a solstice eclipse. No, no, this kind of existential contortion won’t help him get to sleep either, so he came back home.

    And there was Magnus on the couch of their shared suite, left ankle propped on his right knee, and a steaming mug cradled in his huge hands. He tilted his head at the teapot on the coffee table as if to say, ‘ _ You want some of this, bro? _ ’

     “Oh what the hell, why not?” Merle said. He’s not much of a tea person, or he didn’t used to be, but Magnus is the  _ best _  at tea, and that sort of thing leaves a mark on the people around you. He didn’t even need to go through the indignity of finding the kitchen stepstool because there were two extra cups, one of which he filled. He clambered onto the couch and Magnus handed him his tea.

      “Just in case,” he explained. “My table is always open for you guys.”

     “Look, you might have carved half the furniture in here with your own two hands, but it’s called the  _ common _ room for a reason,” he grouses on principle. “I get it, though. Thank you.”

     They haven’t said anything since then, each enjoying the flavor of silence in his own way. When he has to cast a warming charm because the pot’s cooling down, he considers how late it’s getting.

     “Hey Magnus, do you always stay up like this, or is it a once in a while deal? Because as your resident cleric, I can’t allow you to burn the candle at both ends  _ all _  the time.”

     Magnus sets his cup down and rubs the back of his neck. “More so, recently, I guess. I saw something that’s–” His mouth works furiously and his brow furrows and then he clamps his mouth shut. So either he’s decided not to talk about what’s on his mind, or he can’t find the words for it, but Merle’s not one to push. “Doesn’t matter. So I’ve been thinking – and I know that’s not my strong suit.”

     “Oh, now don’t sell yourself short. So maybe what’s going on in your head isn’t the same as everyone else, but no one’s thoughts are, really.”

     “Not entirely sure I agree with that, but granted. So it wasn’t just a whim and it wasn’t just insomnia, Merle. I’ve  _ had _  to keep the watch night after night and I didn’t know why, but I think I’ve figured it out now. If this means anything at all, it’s that I’ve been holding a one-man wake. Because we all died so many times back there, and the people in Refuge died  _ way _  more than that. I’m all about living like you’re dying, but…”

     “But we did die,” Merle supplies.

     “Right. We might not have come back, or not remembered everything. Maybe we came back different after all and don’t even know it.” He shudders. “I try not to think about it, except when I do. It’s scary stuff.”

     “Okay, sure, I’ll raise my glass to our past selves. May we rest in peace and find our ways to Pan and all that. Or maybe Istus would be more appropriate, considering where we’ve been.”

     Magnus nods, and drinks, and tops up both glasses. After their moment of silence he says, “Merle?”

     “Hmm?”

     “What did she show you? June, the Chalice. What would have been different if you’d said yes?”

     “I mean it was nothing I didn’t know already. I tend to fall into things without thinking about it first, and as soon as it starts to break bad, I run out for smokes. But that’s not what I was offered. It was the time God lied to me,” he says, and wiggles his leafy fingers.

     Magnus winces so hard that Merle regrets every time he’s ragged him about it, if only in this moment when they’re both baring their souls. “I’m  _ so _  sorry about that. Really, if I could have thought of anything better, I would have done that.”

     “No, it’s – well I won’t say I’m  _ okay _  with it, because it did really suck, but you’re right that there was nothing better. Anyway I’d have changed my own dumb choice, not yours, and it’s just not worth destroying a timeline over, you know?”

     “You’re really this chill over everything that’s happened, everything you’ve done? How do you do it?”

     “I’m not going to pretend it’s all simple or painless,” he admits. “Sometimes it’s damn hard to let go of your regrets, but I think you have to  _ make _  yourself okay with doing it, or else you’d reach a point where living with all that would just be unbearable.”

     “I’ve spent so long,” says Magnus, who’s been staring into his cup for a while, “wishing or hoping or praying for a way to bring Julia back. There were times that was  _ all _  I wanted. Or I wanted to die. And losing that chance? Giving it up? It’s like she died all over again. It sure doesn’t feel like healing, Merle. I know this means I’ve found other stuff to live for, and people too, but it’s still real rough.”

     “Yeah.” He can’t leave it at that, but what can he say? “I propose another moment of silence, then: for those moments that might have been and now never will. May we instead do the best we can with the time that we’ve got.”

     “Yes. I do that!” Magnus sniffles and Merle pats his back.

     “ ‘Sup, homies!” Neither of them noticed the door open, but Taako Heelys in, in all his glory. He’s got on the mesh rainbow shirt that means tonight was a date night, but Merle pretends he doesn’t know about that, and hasn’t even tried to figure out the identity of this mystery man. “Oh sweet, are we having a midnight tea party?”

     “Hell yeah, we are!” Magnus pushes the last cup across the table to Taako, who levitates it. Merle can hear that he’s still a little choked up, but he doubts anyone else would, much less someone as self-centered as Taako.

     “You know what would make it sweeter?” Without leaving room for a response he sing-songs “bis-coootti!” and transmutes some pencils into the most delicious hard cookies either of them have ever tasted.

     “Hey, I thought you didn’t mix magic and cooking,” Magnus says through a full mouth.

     “Well sure, when I thought the problem was my own gross incompetence. Now that I know it was just an indirect result of being pretty selfish, though? Taako’s a free elf, baby!”

     “That’s… maybe not the healthiest way to handle things, but we can unpack that later,” says Merle. “Taako, we’ve been holding a sort of wake for who we’ve been and how things could have turned out, and if there’s anything you want to add in with that, you’re more than invited.”

     “Mourning abstract concepts, yeah I’m into that. Uhhhh….” He clicks his tongue a few times and lands on the words he’s clearly been casting out for. “Okay, here’s something I’ve actually been thinking about lately. So we talk a lot about what’s lost to the dark and the hunger and the fear, and all that, but honestly I feel bad for the darkness. It’s maybe a little bit silly, but I mean the dark doesn’t know what it’s missing. Or maybe it does know and can’t do anything about it, so that’s why people get tempted. Either way it’s pretty sad, don’t you think?”

     It rings a bell until Merle’s heart is a fire alarm in his chest. He’s already learned about the terrible grief of living as the darkness and grasping at things that are just too  _ small _ . He tries to recall who told him this, but his mind skates over the memory and all that leaves him is the thrill of recognition and nothing to connect it to. “I don’t think that’s silly at all,” he croaks. “Alright, how’s this?” He refills his cup and raises it high. “May we be mirrors to let light into the darkness, and may it in turn add depth to all we do.”

     “Cheers, I’ll drink to that, bro,” says Taako, the perfect counterpoint to the night’s solemnity.

     Magnus laugh softly. “I’m really glad you two joined me. When I set out those cups it was a gift for you, but I needed the company too. I’m so grateful you’re my friends.”

     “Well of course you are. It’s me --  _ Taako _ .”

     “And I know folks like us are in short supply, eh?”

     “Did you just make a joke about your own height, dude? That’s not how anything works.”

     “I’m the only one allowed to joke about it, or else it’s dwarf-ism.”

     Taako puts his head in his hands. “How many times do we have to tell you, you don’t have a different word for racism against each subgroup, it’s still just racism. And, ya know there are other short races, right? Dwarfs don’t have the corner on  _ that _  particular market.”

     “Okay stop,” says Magnus. “Both of you, put your tea down.” Merle complies nervously, while Taako merely levitates his tea out of any conceivable danger zone. “Because I’m coming in for a hug now.”

     Merle realizes that there is nowhere he’d rather be than in the middle of this dogpile with his two best friends. Once they’re done here, he won’t have any trouble getting to sleep.


End file.
